Chances are if you have cancer some days you just have a case of the “blahs”.That’s ok! Sometimes especially me in the beginning I was sensitive about things people would say. It seemed like I wasn’t allowed to cry or feel shitty about the cards I was being handed. Guess what!? For me hearing “you got this” …was not something I wanted to hear! In fact that three letter sentence made me want to punch whoever was saying that in the face! Not because I didn’t appreciate the support and caring sentiment,but because I didn’t believe it or foresee it myself. It seemed very disingenuous!
Between the “you got this” and “prayers sent” remarks…Being told to juice and do yoga,get on cbd and start eating plants..the endless amounts of advice and information overkill. Everyone had a opinion and all the “expert” knowledge to tell me what to do and how to feel.
The radical change that I was supposed to graciously embrace overnight that was somehow to magically give me more of a “chance”. It came with overwhelming resentment and shame. Resentment for people who were just as scared as I was, who didn’t know what to say and what not to. Shame because I couldn’t accept my own story, and I was still searching for something to blame it on..that blame only led to myself.
It took me some time to put thoughts together and get out of the “blahs”. I still have my days. It’s normal, it’s the ebbs and flows of life. Keeping relationships and establishing boundaries is hard when a life shattering diagnosis comes knocking. For everyone involved! Somedays you might feel like “you got this”! On the days you don’t it’s quite all right to stay in sweatpants and cry into a tub of ben and jerry..dare I say fucking necessary!