HOLY SHIT! This blog post brought to you today by a very heated human! Calling out ALL you bullshit bloggers who get me with your “top 5 tips to beat the heat”! Stick that clickbait all up in your ass and give me something good!

Honestly, how do you sleep at night knowing you took time out of someone’s life, you bullshit bloggers?

On the latest hunt for the holy grail of how to manage menopause in the heat here is what I have learned.

Drink water (SHOCKING)

Wear clothes that are breathable (OMG)

“Invite only those who you think will help in your mission to achieve rest and relaxation, or just go alone! “ So basically ball gag my friends?

”No matter how much we love them, being cooped up with our children for three months can be more than a little overwhelming” ummmm, the fuck? So basically throw my kids away!

slather on sunblock!

Those are the TOP tips! I think NOT!??????

Here is what I have learned over the past three summers with menopause!

1)The less hair the better! Get yourself a good sugaring ladies! (It’s like waxing but #fancy)

2)Make yourself a necklace out of reusable ice cubes to wear around your neck and baby teething rings for bracelets!

3)I am not a huge fan of radically changing your diet but I have found that eating more fruit and vegetables during the hot months’ help. Especially foods rich in magnesium. Tomato juice was a suggestion for me, does drinking a chilled chalada count?

4) If you’re like me and don’t have air conditioning you can also make what I call a “ghetto”  air conditioner. What you do is fill a bowl with ice water and set in front of a fan. BOOM! This works as long as you keep ice in the water.

5) Kid pools- yup the plastic cheap blow up kind. Grab your chalada and your birthday suit, and marinate the day away!

If you have suggestions that have worked for you, be sure to leave a comment.

Remember have fun this summer & be as close to naked as humanly possible!


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