I was listening to Christmas music the other day and came across a lyric that I never paid much attention too until now. I am sure you have heard it, it’s the one that says it’s the “most wonderful time of the year.” It says, “There’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago.” Yeah, that one!

It got me thinking about scary ol’saint cancer and how that first year leading into the holidays was when my anxiety peaked at it’s worst! The end of the year coming is a time where we reflect on past, present, and future.

I could only reflect on the glories of Christmas long, long ago. I thought I was the next ghost story. The frail and sick girl that my family used to look at differently who was now trying to fake smiles and keep food down all for the sake of not wanting to ruin Christmas and make sure everyone has that “good memory”…This is what I envisioned!

I could have tried to avoid surgery or testing with the delusional idea that I would “ruin” the holiday…but I didn’t. Here is a good example of an ego out of control. The holidays, cancer, past, present and future…I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, granddaughter and a wife. I am not this sickness…this sickness is not me! Even if it was my last Christmas this is my tribe. These people love me and see way past this diagnosis or anything I may feel because of it.

It is the most wonderful time of the year when you get to be surrounded by so much love from people who see you and not your diagnosis!

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Thanks for reading,

 

Nicole O’Neill



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